I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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