The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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