Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
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