Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
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I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
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If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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