We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
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He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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