Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
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