she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
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Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
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You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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