My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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