i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
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States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
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Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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