Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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