hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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