THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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