2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
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