Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
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She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
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he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
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