Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
pray to the hookup gods
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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