How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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