Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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