Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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