She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
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She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
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My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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