I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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