he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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