meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
My day in three words: secret purse cake
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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