Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Just fell off a train. Bad.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize