i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
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I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
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After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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