so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
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We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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