I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
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