I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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