It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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