I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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