I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Four minutes until I can fart!
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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