In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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