Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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