he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize