trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
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What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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