You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize