man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Randomize