Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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