Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
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I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
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Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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