Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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