She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
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the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
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That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
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