Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
In other news, I just burned my penis
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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