yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
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how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
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Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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