On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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