At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
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I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
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I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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