Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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