Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize