I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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