It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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