Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
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