she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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