he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize